The Diary of a Dreamer
by WordsUnsaid
Summary: This is not your average story, it's a diary of a girl, by the name of Max. And she's very depressed. She's been giving a diary, a place to keep her wits. Will Max fill every page or will she die, with no one to save her.
1. April 30th

**Hey Guys, **

**Yeah I'm writing another story. But this one is taking a different twist. I promise you this. Enjoy**

**Summary: This is not your average story, it's a diary of a girl, by the name of Max. And she's very depressed. She's been giving a diary, a place to keep her wits. Will Max fill every page or will she die, with no one to save her. **

**Well aren't I just a pile of sugar? **

**So without further ado, **

**The Diary of a Dreamer **

**Max P.O.V.**

April 30th

Dear Diary:

_Since were going to be very great friends (My only friend), I'd thought I'd tell you much about me. My name is Max. Short for Maximum Ride. I am fifteen years old. I have long dirty blonde hair (So my sister would say) and unbarfed chocolate eyes (another quote from my little sisters mind). _

_My mom, Val Martinez, gave me this diary two days ago. The day of my sister, Angel's, death. She told me to put down everything in this little leather bound book. For once, I'm following her rules. Amazing right?_

_I used to be the party girl. The one who was always cool. The one who got the most guys and who could hold her drinks well. That was all before my little sister died. She was six. On that day, I made a change. I went from pink dresses, to baggy black sweatshirts, converse and jeans. Boy was everybody surprised when they say me the next day. They said the cool girl should never lose her cool. But that cool girl they all talk about it gone. _

_See Angel, little sweet six year old Angel was the one person who held me to earth. Not my sister Ella or my mom. Just Angel. See I have a secret. A big secret. _

_I want to die, diary. _

_I've wanted to die ever since my little brother Gazzy went missing. I know his dead even if they say his alive somewhere. I know they lie, everyone does to little old Max Ride. I get used to it. _

_With my headphones in, pumping Paramore through the buds. I want to say a few more words, before I close you for the night._

_I believe, that through thick and thin, All people love, even if there dead. Every single person does, even me. _

_Thanks for listening diary._

_Signing off, _

_Max. _

**A.N**

**Well that's the first chapter!**

**I will try to make them longer but it is a diary! SO it will be a little bit shorter than a normal chapter of a story. **

**Review and tell me how much you love or hate it!**

**Review! **


	2. May 1st

**Woo! **

**Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter. Made me happy. **

**Quick question: Okay, I'm reading Bag of Bones by Stephen King. (Great book! Totally obsessed) But I want to know something! Who is the girl on the front of that book (Girl in the water)? Anybody help me out? **

**So without further ado**

**Chapter 2 **

**The Dairy of a Dreamer**

**Max P.O.V**

_May 1__st_

_Dear Diary, _

_Nice to see you again, hope you're glad to see me still alive today. But probably not. O well. _

_There's exactly twenty six days tell summer vacation. Two months to be away from that hell. AKA school. My mom forced me to go to school today. It was torture. It's been exactly three days since Angel's death. All my friends have dropped me, for the new "cool" girl, Lisa. Only one word describes her. Bitch. She's got some ugly red hair, a bad nose job and an annoyingly high nasally voice. It could drive the craziest people even crazier. I'm being serious. _

_My mom wants to get me help, but I refuse. Angel would never want me to see a therapist. I mean come on; the rapist is already in that word. Never gonna happen mom, not even when pigs fly. _

_Anyway, back to Lisa. During lunch today, she poured white, nasty, left out milk on my head. You know the kind that gets chunky after you leave it out in the sun to long. It was nasty. _

_And that's when I lost it. _

_I punched Lissa, right on her fake plastic nose. It was the best feeling in the world. The best part was, no one thought the party girl would punch someone, proved them wrong. I ditched out the side door of the cafeteria, before Mr. Fat school cop caught me. You should see him run sometime, it's pretty funny. _

_I have to say, I'm annoyed at every last nasty person at my school. It's not my fault my sister died. _

_Being annoyed it's like:_

_Like a pesky fly_

_Buzzing around the tail of a rhinoceros _

_Like a kid on a long drive constantly asking_

"_Are we there yet?"_

_Like a hyena_

_Trying to get a piece of your catch _

_when you are a lion_

_Like a song from a catchy commercial_

_When it's stuck in your head_

_And like the crickets_

_Singing when you are trying to go to sleep._

_Who know Maximum Ride could be a poet? Oh that's right, I did. I'm one of the best poet's in my grade. This is how I make my mark on this big bad, scary, hurtful world. Poetry. _

_Might be boring to you, but not to me. _

_Thanks for listening Diary_

_Signing Off, _

_Max. _

**A/N.**

**I know it's kind of short! Sorry! But it's a diary entry. So live with it for now please? **

**Thanks!**

**Review and tell me how much you hate or like it!**

**Review! **

**Review! **


	3. May 2nd

**Think I might delete this story but I don't know yet. **

**Thanks for my reviews. **

**Without Further Ado, **

**Chapter 3 **

**The Diary of a Dreamer**

**Max P.O.V. **

_May 2__nd_

_Dear Diary, _

_Diary, I've done something bad. Something really bad. It's involved a razor and the skin on my wrist. It might be bad but it felt so so good. How the red mixed with white, it was sort of pretty. It is bad to say that I enjoyed it? Is it bad to say that my arm is now covered in little red healing marks? I don't think so. _

_If you think it's so bad, blame all the judgmental bitches. Me? I'm just waiting on the world to change. _

_Diary, my mom can never find out that I'm cutting myself with a razor and my little pocket knife. She'll make me go mental help, something I don't want to do. They'll send me to the loony bin for sure. The place they say is for the "crazy" people. Have you ever thought about this, that maybe the people in those loony bins aren't the crazy ones? Maybe they're actually the sane ones and the rest of the world are the crazies? That's what I think anyway. _

_Yes, I'm not crazy. I have a poem to prove it to. _

_**Crazy**_

_I'm not insane._

_I just misplaced my brain._

_I'm not crazy._

_All my correct functions are just lazy._

_So, I've replaced them._

_And, really the new ones are like a pile of gems._

_They may work a little differently._

_And now I may think a little strangely._

_But that doesn't mean I'm crazy._

_When I'm hurt, it barely even fazes me._

_And sometimes, I cry for no reason at all._

_People say it's impossible,_

_to fall three stories down and live._

_Now, I will prove them wrong, this gift I will give!_

_Oh, no, I realized, my gems were acting weird._

_Maybe it was about time to feel some fear._

_Oh too late. I was going down._

_At that moment, my brain was found._

_See my point, even if they say we're crazy and that we have no control over our brains we do. Like if we decide to fall three stories, our brain will always be there before and after we jump. I am not crazy. Even if people say I'm crazy. I say nothing. Agreeing is pointless because then your sane. Saying no is getting yourself a freeway ticket to therapy. I'm not crazy like those fools who pretend to be. They say thinks like 'the voice inside my head says I'm not crazy and my imaginary friend agrees' or 'I'm not crazy. I just have an alternative outlook on the world.' Being crazy is being at the edge. Always. Breaking down. Not like spontaneously crying breaking down but breaking down. Actually breaking. Thinking things are okay is being crazy. Like thinking yelling parents are just a mood or someone dying just happens. Being stupid. Being crazy is not giving up. Refusing to die. Not committing suicide, but testing your limits. Finding a puzzle in everything. Thinking how to do nothing, everything and the impossible. Making pointless and meaningless plans. Sometimes, people ask me 'why?'. Why what? Doing things because I can. Thrills from chills. Meeting death, looking it straight in the eye and telling it 'hell no.' people call me crazy. I like it. Do it again. _

_Signing off, _

_Max. _

**A/n:**

**I Know it's short! But at least it's something!**

**Hope You enjoyed that stuff that all came from my head!**

**Review!**

**Review!**

**Review! And tell me how much you like it or hate it!**

**Review! **


	4. May 3rd

**Heyyy! Y'all!**

**Why am I always the one to come up with the unqiue/crazy story ideas?**

**Le sigh.. I don't know. Do you?**

**Lol, sorry for not updating in a while. You know... like 6 months. Ehhhh hah.**

**Man.. I feel really high right now xD Don't know if that's a good thing or not xD**

**Without Further ado. **

**The Diary of a Dreamer**

**Max P.O.V.**

May 3rd.

_Dear Diary, _

_My mom found out about me cutting. She took everything sharp away from me. You don't know how hard it is to cut stuff with just a fork and spoon. _

_She just doesn't understand me. What am I saying? Every teenager says this. No one understands me! Blah blah blah. But I do mean it Diary, and you're the only one who'll believe me. _

_The only one who believes how depressed I am. My life is like a crumbled piece of paper, no matter how many times you smooth it out, not every single crinckle is gonna be gone. I just want to end it all. _

_"Put your gun up to my head,_

_Fill my body full of lead,_

_Run your blade along my wrist,_

_I'll fade away, I won't exist._

_Kill me softly,_

_Kill me sweet,_

_Hear the words I won't repeat,_

_Kill me quickly,_

_Pierce me deep,_

_Take me to eternal sleep._

_Place the pills inside my mouth,_

_I promise not to spit them out,_

_Hang me from your rope up high,_

_Take me away, I want to die._

_Kill me softly,_

_Kill me sweet,_

_Hear the words I won't repeat,_

_Kill me quickly,_

_Pierce me deep,_

_Take me to eternal sleep."_

_Please. I just want all this misery to end. All the laughing. All the backstabbing. All the pain. There's a girl in my class. I don't know her name. Everyone calls her crazy. She can hear things other people can't hear. Her only friends are a leather bound diary and a girl named Isabella..But Isabella.. isn't real. _

_Every night you can find her placing one foot in front of the other on the railroad tracks in a balancing act as she walks towards the slowly setting sun. She watches the blue sky turn quickly into pink, orange, than finally that blazing red that makes her heart burn in agony to reach out and touch it. She walks this path every night to see if the tracks will finally lead her into this ocean of color, but just before her toe can pierce the surface, the darkness replaces it and the stars twinkle mockingly above her. _

_She tells herself that if she gives up, she'll have to give up on everything because her dreams are the only thing supporting her weight anymore. And if she gives up on her dreams, everything will crash down on her, leaving her a broken pile of used up bones in the dirt. _

_Every morning you can find her looking for pictures in the sugar she pours into her coffee because she doesn't believe you can find pictures in the clouds. But it dissolves to fast and she's quickly losing faith in that, too. _

_As she slowly realizes she can't find pictures in her coffee, she's worried that she wont be able to find anything else, either. She won't be able to find that tingling in her heart that causes her stomach to go hallow. She won't be able to find a hand that fits with hers like they were molded for each other._

_Every afternoon you can find her gluing glitter to her mirror because she thinks that it will make her see herself differently the next time she looks in it. But it somehow manages to deform her image even more and she lets it fall to the ground, pieces of glass shattering at her feet._

_But as the glass shatters, her façade seems to shatter with it and the tears mix with the glitter on the floor, shimmering up at her from the ground. The only thing beautiful about her is her pain-at least that's what she's telling herself. and she realizes nothing is ever going to work out the way she intends it too, no matter how hard she tries. and she knows the easiest thing to do right now is to give up and let fate drag her by her ankles the rest of the way. _

_But you'll find her walking her familiar route along the tracks that night._

_Because if she's sure of anything-_

_It's that she's not giving up._

_Because at least right now-_

_She has something to live for."_

... That girl.. is me.

**A/n:**

**Sorry for shortness, in a hurry to update. **

**REVIEW!**

**-Cora!**


	5. May 4th

**A/n:**

**Hey Guys. Trying To Update Most Stories. **

**I'm so bored. **

**OMFG. I have a tank top on thats pissing me the Freak off. The strap won't stay up because apparently I'm too big for little kid ones and too small for teen girls ones -.- WTF? **

**Anywhoo..**

**Without further ado, **

**Chapter 5, May 4th**

**The Diary Of A Dreamer**

**Max P.O.V.**

_Dear Diary, _

_Diary. Today I made a friend. My FIRST friend ever. I was surprised too diary. It's a shoc to me too. _

_I was sitting in homeroom. Trying to ignore all the whispering around me. Whispering about me. It's sad really, I didn't know I was so popular. I heard the door swing open and slam shut. In the corner of my eye I saw black converse clad feet walking to the teachers desk. _

_"You're the new student, Nick Moraless?" I heard Miss Gray ask in her ever sweet voice. I saw the fiqures shadow nod. _

_"Great" I heard Miss Gray clap and I felt her eyes on me. She told him to sit by me. Me. Maximum Ride. She knows how much I hate sitting by people._

_I heard the stool next to me screeach back and the fimilar sound of a book-filled bag hit the ground. I felt him looking at me, So I chocked back my fear and meet him straight in the eyes. His midnight black eyes. _

_God, I felt like I was melting into soup. He was dressed in black from head to toe. Even his hair was black. His twitched his head to the side, covering his eyes with his equally black fringe. _

_Oh. _

_My. _

_God. _

_Now I sound like such a girl. Gross. _

_Of course, I blushed like a red cherry and went back to starring at my black topped desk. He elbowed me in the rib and a piece of paper and pen was sat in front of me. _

_"It's Fang" Was written in chicken strach handwriting. Good to know we both write about the same. _

_God, Fang fit his personality. In the next few minutes we got to know eachother more. He learned my name, both our favorite colors, what we liked to each, yada yada yoda. _

_We only saw eachother in the halls the rest of the day. _

_He asked me to meet him at the park this weekend. I don't know if I should go diary. I don't want him to think i'm scared, but I don't want to make a fool of myself. I'm such a derp, it's scary. _

_Sigh. I wish I wasn't such a fuck up diary. _

_In other news.. the bullying. It's gone online. As in cyber-bullying. An anonymous person said I was better off dead... and I agree with them, somewhat. Diary, I don't want to kill myself. I just want to die. _

_Destroyed...  
>Torn...<br>Hurt...  
>Devestated...<br>These are just a few words to describe how I feel sometimes.  
>And I rarely feel those things<br>At least that's what I thought...  
>These are things you usualy feel in high school...almost everyday<br>When so called "friends" tare you down.  
>And strip your soul of any happines.<br>And all hope in the world...is gone.  
>In one second...<br>Everything can change...  
>With one text message...<br>I explained how I felt...  
>And they acused me of lying...<br>But I wasn't.  
>The constant harassment...<br>Made me afraid to even see them.  
>The haters...<br>The jealousies...  
>The bullies...<br>_**A/n:**

**Sorry it's short, It's supposed to be a diary after all... **

**This is basically how I felt yesterday (the bullying, I'm better now)**

**Most Of you know..**

**I'm being cyber-bullied... And it hurts. But i'll push through it. Like I have many other things. **

**PLEASE COPY THIS YOU YOUR PROFILES:**

**Woah! You Almost Forgot To Press Anon. Wouldn't Have Been So Tought Then, Would You? Imagine What Would Have Happened If Your Best Friend Knew It Was You Making Her Depressed And Wanting To Cut!  
>Getting Hate Isn't Fun, It Isn't Glamorous, It Isn't Funny, It Doesn't Make You Feel Good. It Might Make You Feel BIG But It Makes Around 13 Million Teenagers And Children A Year Feel small. So Next Time You Think About Sending Anonymous Hate. Remember A Few Things:<br>1. It Feels So Much Better Knowing That You've Made Someone's Day, So Send Something Nice, Something Kind, Something That You'd Like To Get Sent.  
>2. Hate, No Matter How Small The Amount Or How Harsh It Is, Can Have REAL EFFECTS On REAL PEOPLE!<br>3. Hate Can Always Be Traces Back To You, There Are Ways.  
>4. I Don't Think You Want To Be Responsible For Someone's Suicide.<br>So Please, All I'm Asking, Is That You Think Before You Press Send. So Many Lives And Tears Could Be Spared If People Would Stop CYBER BULLYING.**

**REVIEW**

**-Cora **


	6. May 5th

**A/n:**

**I Feel Like A Such A Terrible Author. I Hardly Every Update! **

**Forgive me? **

**Ha, thanks for all reviews! Seriously The Best Girls and Guys! **

**Anywhooo. **

**Without Further Adieu! **

**Chapter 6, May 5th**

**The Diary Of A Dreamer **

**Max P.O.V.**

_Dear Diary, _

_Diary. I tried to last night. I tried to kill myself. And i'm.. i'm not sorry. I broke an old pencil sharpner and used it as a razor. I sliced the thin skin on my wrist, it was almost beautiful. I wrote a suicide note as well.. It went like this: _

_"Mom I love you_

_Don't blame it on yourself_

_Dad forgive me_

_I couldn't ask for help_

_Take my picture_

_Off the table by the phone_

_It never belonged there anyway_

_This happy family was broken_

_Long before I left it anyway_

_I don't expect you to understand_

_Just why it was that I couldn't stay_

_I know you can't hear me_

_But I'm writing this for you_

_It is my last punk song_

_Telling you my life is through_

_It's okay to hate me_

_Just don't miss me when I'm gone_

_Cuz I don't deserve it_

_When I have done so much wrong_

_I never belonged here anyway_

_This happy family was broken_

_Long before I left it anyway_

_I don't expect you to understand_

_Just why it was that I couldn't stay" _

_My mom found me. In our little blue bathroom. I saw here through my closing eyes. Kneeling next to me, shaking me hard. She placed her hand around my bleeding wrist, hard. I remember trying to fight her off as she called the paramedics. _

_She didn't understand that I just want to die. I remember for her screaming for the paramedics to come up the stairs before I blacked out and got my sweet sweet silence. _

_That is, tell I woke up in the hospital this morning. I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved.I woke up into a nightmare. I was greated by my crying mother.. and Fang. The myserious guy that I met a few days ago. My mom was a crying mess. Everytime she would look at me, it seemed like she'd cry harder and harder. _

_The doctor finally made her leave, but he allowed Fang to stay. Which was kinda weird, but I didn't question it. I felt safer around this stranger than my own mother. She'd never understand why i'd want to kill myself. _

_I learned a lot about Fang is those next few hours. He didn't like being called Fang. He got his nickname when he was younger and bit his sister. His favorite color is black, big surprise there. His moms name is Angie. His best friend is James, but likes to be called Iggy. _

_We talked for hours and hours. I noticed he used his hands to explain things and that he was left handed. He pulled out of his bookbag something that looked like a drawing pad. He drawed with his left hand. _

_He drew me a bird, a blue bird with the word "Survivor" coming out of its mouth. I promised myself I would never lose that picture as I tucked it into the inside of cover of you diary. It's the most thoughtful gift i'll ever recieve. _

_He smiled at me, as eight o clock around and promised he'd be back tomorrow. I nodded at him as he disappeared out into the light green hallway. _

_I rested my head back onto the crappy pillow as thoughts filled me head. You can close you eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heard to things you don't want to feel. Cold tears starting running down my face as I truly thought for the first time in a long time. _

_I'm pathetic, worthless, stupid. I don't deserve to live. Why.. why do they make me live, when it hurts to wake everyday. Why won't they let me take the pain away, forever. _

_Why did she do it? Nobody dared to ask. Because - what courage! Who had the courage to burn herself? Twenty aspirin, a little slit alongside the veins of the arm, maybe even a bad half hour standing on a roof: We've all had those. And somewhat more dangerous things, like putting a gun in your mouth. But you put it there, you taste it, it's cold and greasy, your finger is on the trigger, and you find that a whole world lies between this moment and the moment you've been planning, when you'll pull the trigger. That world defeats you. You put the gun back in the drawer. You'll have to find another way._

_What was that moment like for her? The moment she lit the match. Had she already tried roofs and guns and aspirins? Or was it just an inspiration?_

_I had an inspiration once. I woke up one morning and I knew that today I had to swallow fifty aspirin. It was my task: my job for the day. I lined them up on my desk and took them one by one, counting. But it's not the same as what she did. I could have stopped, at ten, or at thirty. And I could have done what I did do, which was go onto the street and faint. Fifty aspirin is a lot of aspirin, but going onto the street and fainting is like putting the gun back in the drawer._

_She lit the match._

**A/n: **

**Woo! Review. No, I'M NOT FEELING ANYTHING LIKE MAX. **

**Review. **

**Review. **

**Revieww.**

**-Cora.**


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